Dear Unknown Lover

Dear Unknown Lover;

There are a some things you need to know before we meet.

I have a tendency to love chaos, but chaos doesn’t bode well for stability in life and love. It’s burned me. Has left me rough at times. Like a bad sunburn after your mom insisted on sunscreen, I always know it’s going to happen – but it doesn’t change much.

Falling in love has been the most profound, intense, and painful experience of my life – at times almost too much to bear. I’ve entered relationships feeling as though it was my duty to protect others from the world, never realizing I may be what hurts them most.

When I look back, I’m not always proud. I’ve left damage and disrepair, like a hurricane, even if I didn’t mean to.

As time has gone on, I can see where the damage has been repaired. It’s pleasing to see, or it should be.  But I can’t help but wonder; did my existence not matter? Blowing in like a tropical storm, destruction, heartache and chaos.

Yet now, the recovery has been completed. The storm may be recorded, but mostly it’s been forgotten.

Meanwhile, I’ve drifted on, a few dents here and there but nothing I can’t fix. Over time the sail has been replaced. There is a motor now. The means to travel towards a purpose is there, but it seldom turns on.

Watching from a distance as those once familiar places begin to build and grow. Children and houses and husbands.

This could sound tragic, if I didn’t know you were out there, a port as yet unknown.

So I wait in these dark waters, wandering – waiting for the day the lighthouse will shine bright.

Illuminating the only home suitable.

Yours.