For now, What if is Enough

Hey pretty lady in line at the Charlotte airport main concourse Starbucks.

Hey gorgeous girl on the bar patio with your golden retriever.

Hey graduate student at the bar ordering shots.

Hey to the 100’s of others.

For now, let’s leave it as an imaginary hey that I’m writing from 35,000 feet. When I saw you, I didn’t have the courage to come up to you and say hi. I didn’t have the courage to buy you a drink. To introduce myself.

I was doing so in your best interest.

I’m not the best company these days.

And I don’t have the best track record with you.

I suck at girls.

I suck at emotions.

I suck at relationships.

But I want you to know that I love you.

I love all of you.

I’ve fallen in love with many of you the moment I saw you.

In 30 seconds I’ve had a movie of our lives together play through my head.

What dating you would be like.

Taking you out on my boat.

How you’d get along with my parents and sister.

Meeting your family.

Traveling with you.

How I’d propose to you.

Where we would like.

Having a child with you.

Growing old with you.

Pretty fucking crazy right?

I’ll have all of those thoughts in 30 seconds after glancing at you from across a room. A bar. An Airport.

I find myself left thinking about the What Ifs

What if I came up to you and gave you my number?

What if I bought you that drink?

What if I introduced myself?

What if it would have been happily ever after?

What if we would have been perfect together?

What if I would break your heart? Ruin you? Hurt you?

What if you would reopen the wounds I’ve yet to heal?

For now, what if is enough for me.

Just know that I love you.

All of you.