Reflections

Looking into the mirror is a weird thing.

The other day I heard that our brains perceive ourselves as being 5 times more attractive in the mirror than we actually are.

Fuck. That sucks.

So I’m not really a soft 6 on a good day?

Yikes.

On a more serious note, depression has changed my thinking. It’s made me reflect back on so many aspects of my mental state.

Oh gosh, that was a dark thought, wonder where the hell that came from. Ohhh yeah. That moment senior year of college. Okay, that makes sense.

I analyze the past constantly. I wonder how I arrived where I am today. To me, it’s an important part of working on myself and becoming better.

But It’s painful. Terrifying at times.

You start creating process flows in your mind of events, behaviors, feelings, etc. And things begin to click.

But as more connections are made, what was once a linear series of events turns into a tangled web. And it’s hard to know what to get started on the web.

But it’s ago. The tangle web is progress. It gives me an idea of what the mess looks like. That it has causes. This depression didn’t come from nowhere.

It’s the result of a variety of actions, self destructive behaviors and self confidence issues.

One day at a time, these reflections will help me discover where to begin.

How to move forward.

How to get back to begin happy.

And that’s enough. I’ve gotta stop asking for too much.