Depression Has Changed Dave Matthews for Me

If you know me, you’re probably aware that I love Dave Matthews Band. You could even say I’m obsessed. 

I’ve been to 51 Dave Matthews shows. 

I’ve seen them in 9 Countries, 11 States and 29 different venues. 

But I don’t listen to much Dave Matthews anymore. 

I Can’t. 

I’m afraid to. 

Depression and suicidal ideation has ruined listening to Dave Matthews Band for me. 

Do you ever listen to a song and it takes you back to a certain place or point in time? Ever found yourself down and have go-to songs you listen to? Do those songs sort of help you feel through the emotions of that moment? 

So that’s where I am right now. I have a playlist I call “Depression”. It’s a variety of songs that have helped me through this tough time. Lots of Mike Posner and Mac Miller. On the other side of all of this, these songs will always remind me of the highs, lows and numb I’ve experienced these past 8 months. 

And I don’t want any Dave Matthews songs to be a part of that feeling. I don’t want to ever be standing at a show and suddenly find myself brought back to this place. 

But I miss it. I miss joining Facebook Watch Parties (Us Dave Matthews Fans are so crazy, we will watch live streams of concerts on Facebook, thanks to loyal streamers. We will also watch past shows via facebook together… I know I know, you’re jealous. I understand). I miss watching concert videos on Youtube, waking up to a favorite live album and driving to the grocery store singing along to favorite songs. 

I look forward to the days ahead when I feel free to listen to Dave Matthews and get brought back to the fantastic shows I’ve seen, people I’ve met and places I’ve visited as a result of following this band across the globe. 

For now, my music is sad, relatable, and of a depressing nature. I live inside the words. 

Some of my current favorites include:

• Let You Down – NF
• Rescue Me – Marshmello feat. A Day to Remember
• A Real Good Kid Album – Mike Posner
• Self Care – Mac Miller
• 2009 – Mac Miller
• Missed Calls – Mac Miller
• Take It All Back – Judah & The Lion
• Say You Won’t Let Go – James Arthur
• Miss You – Blink 182

What songs have helped you get through tough times? How has music impacted your journey through a tough time with depression?