200 Words a Day: There’s a Light

Things are getting brighter. I think there’s a light at the end of this long tunnel. I’m still miserable. I still have moments where I don’t want to be alive. But there’s more time in between those moments.  What used to be an hourly thought has morphed into a every couple of days thought.  So…

Mental Health Awareness Day: A Better Future

I’ll be honest, I had no clue mental health awareness day was today. I didn’t go to sleep last night thinking about mental health awareness day… I honestly didn’t know it existed. But with how many “Days” we have, I’m not surprised. And god damn I’m so glad it exists.  Today has been weird. I’ve…

200 Words a Day: Why Do I Write?

So I’ve decided to make “200 Words a Day” a series of sorts on this page. That’s not to say that I’ll be posting daily, but I like the idea of sharing the words that come out of this journey. Since I began this website, the writing has been very heavy hearted about love, heartbreak,…

200 Words a Day: Writing About Writing

So I made this commitment to writing 200 words per day… As I started writing, it was really easy. But as time has gone on, the writing has become more challenging. Maybe it’s because I think too much about it. Or maybe I’m too confident in it now. Maybe it’s like my golf game…. It…

Why (I Think) I’m Depressed

A friend of mine asked me “What’s making you depressed?”. And I was kinda surprised when I realized I haven’t been asked that question before.  And that’s a big question. A question I have never really answered in its entirety. So what the hell, I’m going to try. Sounds therapeutic.  I think it initially stems…

Pickled Emotions

“Isn’t it funny, we can make a lot of money. Buy a lot of things just to feel a lot of ugly.” – 2009 by Mac Miller After graduating from college, I made a decent amount of money at my first job. I always knew and followed the “money can’t buy happiness” idea, but no…

Depression Has Changed Dave Matthews for Me

If you know me, you’re probably aware that I love Dave Matthews Band. You could even say I’m obsessed.  I’ve been to 51 Dave Matthews shows.  I’ve seen them in 9 Countries, 11 States and 29 different venues.  But I don’t listen to much Dave Matthews anymore.  I Can’t.  I’m afraid to.  Depression and suicidal…

Reflections

Looking into the mirror is a weird thing. The other day I heard that our brains perceive ourselves as being 5 times more attractive in the mirror than we actually are. Fuck. That sucks. So I’m not really a soft 6 on a good day? Yikes. On a more serious note, depression has changed my…

35,000 ft Closer to Happiness

If you haven’t picked up on it, I fly a lot. Between work and pleasure, I’m addicted to traveling now. I took about 180 flights in 2018. I spent more time in a plane than I spent in a car. More time spent in plane and airports than my own bed. But I’ve never truly…

I Sat in the Rain Today

I sat in the rain today. I sat in the rain today and felt in the moment. I felt in the moment as my shirt and hair became saturated. My shirt and hair felt heavy as I embraced the sound of the moment. This moment made me discover a fundamental truth about my current predicament….