Things are getting brighter. I think there’s a light at the end of this long tunnel. I’m still miserable. I still have moments where I don’t want to be alive. But there’s more time in between those moments. What used to be an hourly thought has morphed into a every couple of days thought. So…
Tag: Happiness
Mental Health Awareness Day: A Better Future
I’ll be honest, I had no clue mental health awareness day was today. I didn’t go to sleep last night thinking about mental health awareness day… I honestly didn’t know it existed. But with how many “Days” we have, I’m not surprised. And god damn I’m so glad it exists. Today has been weird. I’ve…
Void of Purpose
I believe we all have a purpose in this world. No, not some god given purpose. I don’t believe in that sort of thing. I believe we all have the opportunity to seek purpose. To find something that intrinsically motivates us. Something that we would do for free if money was not a factor. Something…
Chasing Happiness
In the time since I graduated from college in 2015, I’ve come to realize I have a bit of a tendency to force happiness. I throw money and experiences towards the pursuit of happiness. I’ve chased a prestigious Management Consulting career in hopes of finding happiness. But it hasn’t made me happy. And it’s taken…
Drifting In-between
I don’t want to live anymore. But I don’t want to die either. I want to drift in the middle. Suspended between the beginning and the end. The numbness of this in-between is comforting. I feel impenetrable. Like nothing can harm my mental state. It’s not a great mental state. It’s not happy. But it’s…
Drifting
I find comfort out here. Just drifting. With the engine off, floating alone. It’s in these moments I find the comfort suicidal ideation has me seeking. The comfort of disappearing. As long as I don’t look at my phone, I’m off the grid. Nothing to do. Nowhere I have to go. For some brief moments,…
The Numbness of Depression
This depression has created a numbness in my mind. Food doesn’t taste as good, alcohol and drugs don’t feel as good, emotional pain doesn’t hurt as bad and my good and bad days feel more or less the same. I miss the highs and lows. The bad days were what made the great days feel…
The Idea of You
The idea of you. Maybe that’s all it is. Maybe I’m just not over the idea of you. In my heart, I think I know. That the you that I loved. Doesn’t exist anymore. So now I find myself left longing for the idea. Of you.
Dear Unknown Lover
Dear Unknown Lover; There are a some things you need to know before we meet. I have a tendency to love chaos, but chaos doesn’t bode well for stability in life and love. It’s burned me. Has left me rough at times. Like a bad sunburn after your mom insisted on sunscreen, I always know…
Slave to the Suit
When I entered college, I had all of these grandiose of going against the grain, visions of a career giving to the community in one way or another. Owning my own business and blazing a trail on my own terms. I didn’t know what kind of business I was going to have, but I knew…
Behind The Suit 