Things are getting brighter. I think there’s a light at the end of this long tunnel. I’m still miserable. I still have moments where I don’t want to be alive. But there’s more time in between those moments. What used to be an hourly thought has morphed into a every couple of days thought. So…
Tag: Love
Why (I Think) I’m Depressed
A friend of mine asked me “What’s making you depressed?”. And I was kinda surprised when I realized I haven’t been asked that question before. And that’s a big question. A question I have never really answered in its entirety. So what the hell, I’m going to try. Sounds therapeutic. I think it initially stems…
Reflections
Looking into the mirror is a weird thing. The other day I heard that our brains perceive ourselves as being 5 times more attractive in the mirror than we actually are. Fuck. That sucks. So I’m not really a soft 6 on a good day? Yikes. On a more serious note, depression has changed my…
For now, What if is Enough
Hey pretty lady in line at the Charlotte airport main concourse Starbucks. Hey gorgeous girl on the bar patio with your golden retriever. Hey graduate student at the bar ordering shots. Hey to the 100’s of others. For now, let’s leave it as an imaginary hey that I’m writing from 35,000 feet. When I saw…
I Sat in the Rain Today
I sat in the rain today. I sat in the rain today and felt in the moment. I felt in the moment as my shirt and hair became saturated. My shirt and hair felt heavy as I embraced the sound of the moment. This moment made me discover a fundamental truth about my current predicament….
Drifting In-between
I don’t want to live anymore. But I don’t want to die either. I want to drift in the middle. Suspended between the beginning and the end. The numbness of this in-between is comforting. I feel impenetrable. Like nothing can harm my mental state. It’s not a great mental state. It’s not happy. But it’s…
Drifting
I find comfort out here. Just drifting. With the engine off, floating alone. It’s in these moments I find the comfort suicidal ideation has me seeking. The comfort of disappearing. As long as I don’t look at my phone, I’m off the grid. Nothing to do. Nowhere I have to go. For some brief moments,…
The Idea of You
The idea of you. Maybe that’s all it is. Maybe I’m just not over the idea of you. In my heart, I think I know. That the you that I loved. Doesn’t exist anymore. So now I find myself left longing for the idea. Of you.
Unknown Lover: Part 2
Dear Unknown Lover, There’s more to my story you should know before we meet. You see, in another life I had my dream girl. The potential for a white picket fence. The whole story that we fantasize about through movies. I remember the emotions, happiness and hope for the future like it was yesterday. But…
Dear Unknown Lover
Dear Unknown Lover; There are a some things you need to know before we meet. I have a tendency to love chaos, but chaos doesn’t bode well for stability in life and love. It’s burned me. Has left me rough at times. Like a bad sunburn after your mom insisted on sunscreen, I always know…
Behind The Suit 