Things are getting brighter. I think there’s a light at the end of this long tunnel. I’m still miserable. I still have moments where I don’t want to be alive. But there’s more time in between those moments. What used to be an hourly thought has morphed into a every couple of days thought. So…
Tag: Writing
Mental Health Awareness Day: A Better Future
I’ll be honest, I had no clue mental health awareness day was today. I didn’t go to sleep last night thinking about mental health awareness day… I honestly didn’t know it existed. But with how many “Days” we have, I’m not surprised. And god damn I’m so glad it exists. Today has been weird. I’ve…
200 Words a Day: Why Do I Write?
So I’ve decided to make “200 Words a Day” a series of sorts on this page. That’s not to say that I’ll be posting daily, but I like the idea of sharing the words that come out of this journey. Since I began this website, the writing has been very heavy hearted about love, heartbreak,…
200 Words a Day: Writing About Writing
So I made this commitment to writing 200 words per day… As I started writing, it was really easy. But as time has gone on, the writing has become more challenging. Maybe it’s because I think too much about it. Or maybe I’m too confident in it now. Maybe it’s like my golf game…. It…
Depression Has Changed Dave Matthews for Me
If you know me, you’re probably aware that I love Dave Matthews Band. You could even say I’m obsessed. I’ve been to 51 Dave Matthews shows. I’ve seen them in 9 Countries, 11 States and 29 different venues. But I don’t listen to much Dave Matthews anymore. I Can’t. I’m afraid to. Depression and suicidal…
Void of Purpose
I believe we all have a purpose in this world. No, not some god given purpose. I don’t believe in that sort of thing. I believe we all have the opportunity to seek purpose. To find something that intrinsically motivates us. Something that we would do for free if money was not a factor. Something…
35,000 ft Closer to Happiness
If you haven’t picked up on it, I fly a lot. Between work and pleasure, I’m addicted to traveling now. I took about 180 flights in 2018. I spent more time in a plane than I spent in a car. More time spent in plane and airports than my own bed. But I’ve never truly…
I Sat in the Rain Today
I sat in the rain today. I sat in the rain today and felt in the moment. I felt in the moment as my shirt and hair became saturated. My shirt and hair felt heavy as I embraced the sound of the moment. This moment made me discover a fundamental truth about my current predicament….
Drifting In-between
I don’t want to live anymore. But I don’t want to die either. I want to drift in the middle. Suspended between the beginning and the end. The numbness of this in-between is comforting. I feel impenetrable. Like nothing can harm my mental state. It’s not a great mental state. It’s not happy. But it’s…
Drifting
I find comfort out here. Just drifting. With the engine off, floating alone. It’s in these moments I find the comfort suicidal ideation has me seeking. The comfort of disappearing. As long as I don’t look at my phone, I’m off the grid. Nothing to do. Nowhere I have to go. For some brief moments,…
Behind The Suit 